David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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