you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
