I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
