There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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