If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
