it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
