i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
