omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize