I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
