I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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