Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
