Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
