the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
