you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
