is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
