Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
