Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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