The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
