I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
