Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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