he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize