i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
