I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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