There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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