we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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