I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
