I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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