Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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