Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
