I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
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Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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