The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
