im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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