Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
