It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
