Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
