GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
