Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
