everyone is single if you try hard enough
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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