I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
