Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
