i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
