Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
