i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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