she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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