Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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