It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
