that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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