i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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