Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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