i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
