Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
