new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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