you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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