You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
