Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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