If that was your dad, he is hot
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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