I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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