Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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