He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
