so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
