Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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