ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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