I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
