Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
